I’ve never bothered to get it diagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had insomnia for my entire life. It usually takes me an hour or more to fall asleep. It’s been such a persistent issue that I go to great lengths to manage it. My room is dark and cool at night, I wear earplugs, I dim the lights an hour before bed, I try to go to sleep and wake up at the same time each day, I try and fail to not use technology in the hour before bed, I do some stretching and light exercise before bed… And it sorta helps.
Anyway, I learned recently that having many sleepless nights can lead to anxiety relating to sleep (no surprise there). The body can then actually go into fight or flight as the person is trying to fall asleep. That anxiety affects the quality of sleep throughout the night. The person wakes up stressed and still tired. Continue reading Fight or Flight as a Way of Life
Time for a brief life update. As I’ve mentioned previously, the second half of this year my subthreshold PTSD hasn’t been giving me a hard time. In addition, the “Me too” movement doesn’t seem to be negatively affecting my mental health much and nothing has really changed since I “came out” as a survivor on Facebook — which is a good thing. I wanted to just acknowledge it and move on. Continue reading “That’s Just My Life”
It’s been five months since I’ve had what’d I’d call a disruptive “PTSD” episode. Five months since an episode has thrown me off for more than a few seconds. I don’t understand. What’s going on!?!? This is blowing my mind! I literally never thought this would happen. I never dared hope that I’d arrive at a place where I could be mostly free from the shackles of almost-mental illness.
Continue reading An Unexpected Vacation from PTSD
I like to talk about mental illness on this blog and my personal struggles with mental health. But let’s be clear: I’m not technically mentally ill. I’m in a weird gray area, because I have symptoms of PTSD but it’s not serious enough for a diagnosis. Recently I found out that there’s an unofficial name for this: subthreshold PTSD. Continue reading Subthreshold PTSD
I got so used to always having a low level of anxiety that it feels really weird (in a good way) to have that almost entirely gone. For the first time in months, I feel very “me” again. I’m relaxed. I’m taking joy in the little things. I’m overly excited about learning anything new. I’m laughing a lot. I don’t take as long to calm down. I’m not thinking about the past much anymore. I’m not getting triggered often or experiencing many intrusive thoughts… I wish this could last forever. Continue reading So This is What “Normal” Feels Like