Subthreshold PTSD

I like to talk about mental illness on this blog and my personal struggles with mental health. But let’s be clear: I’m not technically mentally ill. I’m in a weird gray area, because I have symptoms of PTSD but it’s not serious enough for a diagnosis. Recently I found out that there’s an unofficial name for this: subthreshold PTSD. Continue reading Subthreshold PTSD

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Trying Not to Suffer in Silence

Very few people know that I suffer from symptoms of PTSD. Even fewer people hear me talk about it on a regular basis. Recently I wrote a post in which I essentially said that I want to start talking about mental illness the way I would talk about any other illness, such as a migraine. I want to be more open about what I’m going through both for the added support and to fight mental health stigma. Today I took a baby step toward that goal. Continue reading Trying Not to Suffer in Silence

Free Stuff Helped Me Snap Out of a PTSD Episode

There I was, just studying and trying to be a good student, when a PTSD episode decided to drop on my head out of nowhere. I got caught up in one of those spirals of negative thoughts related to sexual assault. It actually was much like the thought patterns I had during depression. Soon, I got so anxious that I couldn’t even concentrate on homework and I started getting flashbacks. I curled up on bed under a blanket and tried to calm down by breathing deeply… but this episode was really stubborn. I decided to go to bed early in hopes that I would wake up tomorrow feeling better. Continue reading Free Stuff Helped Me Snap Out of a PTSD Episode

People Who Have PTSD are the Strongest People You Will Ever Know

People who have PTSD are the strongest people you will ever know.

Every single day we live through rape, or war, or abuse, or near death experiences.

Every single day we involuntarily relive the worst moments of our entire lives.

And yet we go on.

Don’t you dare call us weak.

Withstanding that kind of psychological torture takes a kind of endurance that you cannot imagine unless you’ve lived it.

We are not weak. We are damn warriors.

Show some respect.

Thoughts on the Four Year Anniversary of the First Time I was Sexually Assaulted

I just came across a video I made on the four year anniversary of the first time I was sexually assaulted by an ex-boyfriend. I actually went to the place that it happened and rambled at a camera. So here’s the transcript of that video. Also, the picture at the top of the page is at that location. This has been edited for clarity. Continue reading Thoughts on the Four Year Anniversary of the First Time I was Sexually Assaulted

Five Years After Being Sexually Assaulted, I Choose to Celebrate My Victories

Five years ago was the first time I was sexually assaulted (not counting the two times when I was a kid which didn’t have much of an effect on me). Frankly… I’m indifferent. I thought it would be upsetting to wake up today and remember all I lost when a man decided that his desires were more important than my wellbeing. The entire course of my life changed that day… and again and again as I was sexually assaulted repeatedly by ex boyfriends. But surprisingly, I’m calm. Continue reading Five Years After Being Sexually Assaulted, I Choose to Celebrate My Victories