Consent is like a castle.
In the castle, everyone is having enjoyable sexytimes.
However, the castle is surrounded by a moat.
And the moat is on fire.
The moat is embarrassment and awkwardness.
You have to cross the moat of awkwardness (by asking consent) to get into the fun castle where all the fun sexytimes are happening.
Suck it up and cross the moat.
(Adapted from Peter Strom’s metaphor for awkwardness and swing dancing)
Sexual assault is selfish and if a person does it, they do not truly love and respect the person they’re with.
It’s selfish, because it’s putting one’s own “needs” above someone else’s safety and well-being. It’s selfish because the person would rather avoid a potentially awkward moment than make sure their “loved one” does not have their boundaries crossed.
Love is not selfish. Love is respectful. Love is putting someone else’s needs over one’s own. If they truly loved me, they never would’ve risked hurting me.
Sarah Super speaks about ways to support and empower survivors of sexual assault and rape by offering choices in a trauma sensitive way.
“Consent needs to be about making it just as easy to say no as it is to say yes.”
Trigger warning: Rape
A quick rundown of what happened:
- In September, ten+ University of Minnesota football players raped a drunk girl at a party.
- The survivor said what might have started as consensual developed into sexual assault: She was no longer consenting, and she didn’t feel safe leaving or capable of it.
- She reported it to police, but the case was dropped because there wasn’t enough evidence for it to stand up in court.
- She then reported it to the university, so now the players are indefinitely suspended.
- The entire team vowed to boycott all football activities until the suspensions are lifted. They did this because they didn’t feel that due process was followed and they felt they weren’t informed well enough about what was going on. Doing so would violate FERPA (a privacy law).
- Two days later, after the players and the U’s president discussed the matter, the players ended the boycott.
- The U’s Office of Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action recommended expulsion for some players and suspension for others.
- No charges will be filed with police.
- The football coach has been fired. He had expressed support for the players when they boycotted team activities.
Continue reading A Survivor’s Perspective on the Gopher Football Players