Thoughts on the Four Year Anniversary of the First Time I was Sexually Assaulted

I just came across a video I made on the four year anniversary of the first time I was sexually assaulted by an ex-boyfriend. I actually went to the place that it happened and rambled at a camera. So here’s the transcript of that video. Also, the picture at the top of the page is at that location. This has been edited for clarity. Continue reading Thoughts on the Four Year Anniversary of the First Time I was Sexually Assaulted

I’ve Been Sexually Assaulted More Times Than I Can Count… And What that Says About Rape Culture

Trigger warning: descriptions of sexual assault

Note: Before anyone starts accusing me of exaggerating and using the term sexual assault liberally, let me remind you that it’s any unwanted/non-consensual sexual activity. That’s it. I don’t like that these experiences count either. No one wants to be a victim.

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For the last week or so, I’ve been reading through an old journal which was written during the time I was dating P (one of the guys who sexual assaulted me). I found some interesting tidbits in there.

Realization #1: I’ve been sexually assaulted by P more than once.
For a guy who claimed to respect me so much, he was really terrible at it when it came to the physical part of our relationship. I know asking for verbal consent can be awkward, but I guarantee PTSD  from sexual assault is far worse. Suck it up.
Anyway, I guess the good news is that the two other times he sexually assaulted me weren’t terrible. He tried two new things without asking. I just got uncomfortable, because I wasn’t sure if I was okay with what he was doing or not. Then I thought to myself, if I’m not sure into it, what’s the point? One time I told him afterward that I wasn’t ready yet for what we did, so he didn’t do it again. Another time, I moved away from him a little bit and he got the message. Not terribly traumatizing, thankfully. Continue reading I’ve Been Sexually Assaulted More Times Than I Can Count… And What that Says About Rape Culture

It’s Not My Fault. Obviously.

Trigger warning: descriptions of sexual assault

One thing that I’m really thankful for regarding my experiences with sexual assault is that I almost never blamed myself. It’s something that a lot of survivors deal with even though sexual assault is literally never the survivor’s fault. I wasn’t very educated about consent and sexual assault back then, but despite that, it was almost always very clear to me that I wasn’t at fault. Continue reading It’s Not My Fault. Obviously.