The People Who Sexually Assaulted Me Were Selfish and Didn’t Love Me

Sexual assault is selfish and if a person does it, they do not truly love and respect the person they’re with.

It’s selfish, because it’s putting one’s own “needs” above someone else’s safety and well-being. It’s selfish because the person would rather avoid a potentially awkward moment than make sure their “loved one” does not have their boundaries crossed.

Love is not selfish. Love is respectful. Love is putting someone else’s needs over one’s own. If they truly loved me, they never would’ve risked hurting me.

Can We Please Stop Treating Triggers as a Joke?

Can we please stop with the trigger joke nonsense? Triggers suck. They’re not funny. And joking about them downplays how serious they are. I mean, did you know it’s possible to be funny without being an asshole? Mindblowing, right? Besides… have you ever seen a trigger joke that’s actually funny? Yeah, me neither. Continue reading Can We Please Stop Treating Triggers as a Joke?

A Survivor’s Perspective on the Gopher Football Players

Trigger warning: Rape

A quick rundown of what happened:

  • In September, ten+ University of Minnesota football players raped a drunk girl at a party.
  • The survivor said what might have started as consensual developed into sexual assault: She was no longer consenting, and she didn’t feel safe leaving or capable of it.
  • She reported it to police, but the case was dropped because there wasn’t enough evidence for it to stand up in court.
  • She then reported it to the university, so now the players are indefinitely suspended.
  • The entire team vowed to boycott all football activities until the suspensions are lifted. They did this because they didn’t feel that due process was followed and they felt they weren’t informed well enough about what was going on. Doing so would violate FERPA (a privacy law).
  • Two days later, after the players and the U’s president discussed the matter, the players ended the boycott.
  • The U’s Office of Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action recommended expulsion for some players and suspension for others.
  • No charges will be filed with police.
  • The football coach has been fired. He had expressed support for the players when they boycotted team activities.

Continue reading A Survivor’s Perspective on the Gopher Football Players

The Trump Tapes From the Perspective of a Sexual Assault Survivor

The 2005 video, the section of the presidential debate in which they discuss it, and Trump’s “apology” video can be found at the bottom of the post.
Trigger warning: brief descriptions of sexual assault.
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When most people yell at the TV, they’re yelling at their sports team. When I yell at the TV, I’m yelling at presidential candidates. I had plenty to yell about, but let’s focus on the part that’s most relevant to this blog. You know which part I’m referring to.

Frankly, I wasn’t the least bit surprised when I saw the 2005 video of Trump admitting to sexually assaulting women. I mean, this is a guy who’s already been accused of rape more than once (including his ex-wife, a business associate and a 13 year old girl).

In response to the video, he releases an “apology” video in which he apologizes only for what he said, not what he did. He also says “This is nothing more than a distraction from the important issues we are facing today.” Then, he spends more time talking about issues other than the 2005 video itself, trying to change the focus. What I hear is that he thinks that sexual assault is not an important issue and that the consequences of his actions do not matter. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it would be for his victims to hear. Imagine how it would feel for them to hear him not acknowledge what he’s done and the pain he’s caused. Imagine how it would feel to see that he’s not truly sorry, does not think he did anything wrong (I’ll discuss this more later) and to hear him bragging about what he did to them. Continue reading The Trump Tapes From the Perspective of a Sexual Assault Survivor