For the longest time I had so much patience for my PTSD symptoms, but now I just get so frustrated with the whole situation. These symptoms only started becoming an issue three years ago. I vividly remember what it was like to not have triggers so often… and I miss that. I know that I need to just accept my circumstances, but it’s surprisingly hard. I don’t want to deal with this anymore. I’m sick of it!
I’m sick of going through my day knowing that my mental health is very much out of my control.
I’m sick of getting triggered and then working my ass off just to feel okay again.
I’m sick of being held back by something that happened years ago.
I’m sick of my mind not letting me just move the fuck on.
I need a break, but it’s literally impossible to get one. I don’t know what to do to motivate myself to try harder again to heal and not get frustrated when I get triggered.
I hate admitting it when things aren’t going well. I love to focus on the positive, but it’s important for me to get into the habit of actually admitting it when I’m not okay.
So here it is. I’ll finally suck it up and say it: I’m not okay. And I don’t know what to do.