My Perpetrator’s Doppelganger

Fall 2013. Two years since I broke up with N. Perhaps six months since I realized that he sexually assaulted me. I was watching a hypnotist show at my college and… he was there? On the stage. What was N doing at my college? Everything froze.

I couldn’t believe it. Same posture. Same body type. Same hair. Same smile. Same mannerisms. It was creepy. It wasn’t until they stated his name that I realized it wasn’t him. I breathed a sigh of relief. I don’t have to go to the same school as the poor excuse for a man.

In the following months, I didn’t stop seeing this N look-alike (E) all over campus. For the first few months, every time I lay eyes on him I was immediately reminded of N. The similarities were uncanny. I couldn’t help but get uncomfortable, nervous and reserved. I have a very expressive face, so I’m sure it showed.

Eventually E would recognize me and say hello when we ran into each other. He would always greet me in the goofiest ways. A few months later, I found out why. He was trying to get make me more comfortable around him. He thought I hated him in the beginning of the year.

I felt awful that he interpreted the fear in my eyes as hate. I know it’s really weird and awkward, but one night I told him what was happening. He was surprisingly relaxed during the whole conversation. We ended up having a great conversation after that and have been on good terms ever since. I love that the more I get to know him, the less he reminds me of N.

Thank you for reading this article. You can find my backstory here.

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