A Letter to a Guy Who Sexually Assaulted Me

Trigger warning: contains brief descriptions of sexual assault

Background: This letter was written on 7/24/2013 and was never sent. I just did it as a cathartic exercise.  I was uncharacteristically mad and fed up when I wrote this, but it does make for an amusing read, I think.
In the first paragraph, I refer to a “call last week.” It was a booty call in the middle of the night. We hadn’t seen each other for a year and I’d broken up with him two years prior. Now, without further ado…

N,

As much as I loathe the idea of ever talking to you again (unless it’s my fantasy of giving you a piece of my mind), I really need to get some things off my chest. I hate to admit it, but your call last week (yes, I know it was you) got me thinking about you again… but not in the way you’re hoping. I’m sick of dealing with the aftermath of our relationship and it’s time I really put it all behind me.

First, let me make one thing perfectly clear: you are not as good of a person as you’d like to think. And you also make one very shitty boyfriend. Shocking, right? So here’s the deal. When you have a girlfriend, you are expected to respect her. I remember you saying two years ago that you “respected my boundaries,” but we both know that’s a load of bullshit. Come on. You don’t go pawing at some girl’s lady parts after just a week of dating. Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Furthermore, I made it clear that my boobs are off limits, yet you decided you didn’t care about what I wanted. You overstepped every single boundary I put out there – even one as simple as refraining from saying inappropriate things to me that made me uncomfortable. I will never understand how you could care so little about someone.

Now, believe it or not, those things that I just listed are considered sexual assault. Yeah, that’s right. You sexually assaulted me multiple times. It’s “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.” Still, I know that you comprehending the magnitude of what you did to me is too much to hope for.

While I realize that every single day girls go through ordeals much worse than the one I had with you, I still know it will take me a long time to forgive you – if ever. I will never understand what was going through your un-evolved mind. Some days I think I don’t even want to know.

Now I know what you’re thinking. I wasn’t firm enough with you. I should’ve spoken up better. Well, guess what? The fact that I was too nice to you doesn’t make it my fault. It just means you took advantage of my forgiving nature – making you even more of an ass than you already are. Besides, you shouldn’t have been doing those things in the first place. You know better.

I know that what you did to me will always affect me in some way, but hopefully I can minimize the damage and get rid of these nasty trust issues you’ve given me. See, what happened after you is I find it hard to trust men’s hands. If they get anywhere near my chest, I tense up and get very uncomfortable even if I know they mean no harm. Moreover, it took a while to be able to relax and enjoy it with the one guy who I ever allowed to get to second base. I’m very cautious in relationships now. I’m determined to work on those issues. I won’t give you the satisfaction of knowing that your actions destroyed my relationships with other men. I’m stronger than that. And you’re not worth fretting about.

Based on your actions last week, I think it’s clear that you haven’t learned from your mistakes with me. Honestly, I’m not at all surprised. But know this: you will never have a successful relationship with a girl worth dating until you recognize your mistakes with me and learn from them. Knowing that gives me such satisfaction. And I’m not ashamed of that. I’m glad to know that karma will make you pay for what you did to me, because I have better things to do than teach you your lesson myself. I’ll be busy enjoying my life and slowly forgetting you.

With hate,
Kira

P.S. Go to hell

Thank you for reading this post. You can find my backstory here.

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