I’m a woman, in my 20’s and am from the American Midwest. I’m also currently in college and am going into the medical field. I’m a feminist, a scientist, a musician, a swing dancer, a dreamer, and a million other irrelevant things.
Oh yeah, and I’m a survivor of multiple sexual assaults.
So why am I making this blog? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure yet. I already have a journal. Maybe this’ll be a good way to organize my thoughts in one spot. Or better yet, maybe it can help you recover, help you help someone who is recovering, or allow you to better understand what life is like as a survivor.
Here goes nothing.
My Not-So-Brief Story (TLDR version at the bottom)
Trigger warning: descriptions of sexual assault.
Turning eighteen felt pretty good, as it does for most people. For me, it meant celebrating my biggest accomplishment to date: overcoming the depression brought on by my parents’ divorce which began the previous year. It meant starting a new life with my mom after watching her being verbally abused ever since I can remember. It was a time of growth for both of us.
It was also a time of fear. I was afraid my depression would come back. I was afraid that I would repeat my parents’ mistakes by either becoming my father or marrying someone like him. Mostly it was a time of determination, because I was doing everything in my power to make sure those fears wouldn’t become a reality even though the odds were against me in both respects. Because of my parents, I learned that respect is the most important thing in a relationship. I knew that because of what I saw my parents go through, I would demand respect in every relationship and show them the door if that didn’t happen.
Well… that didn’t quite go the way I planned. Continue reading My Background and Story
Let’s take a break from my usual topic of sexual assault to discuss something else that affects my life quite a bit: domestic abuse. Long story short, I witnessed verbal abuse, and occasionally physical abuse, directed at my mom until she left my dad when I was 17. I heard that my dad’s dad was verbally abusive toward my grandma, and rumor has it that my grandpa’s parents were also in an abusive relationship. I even see the signs in my uncles. So I guess you could say this runs in the family.
But I’m going to break the chain. Continue reading The Family Tradition of Domestic Abuse Ends Here
Time for a brief life update. As I’ve mentioned previously, the second half of this year my subthreshold PTSD hasn’t been giving me a hard time. In addition, the “Me too” movement doesn’t seem to be negatively affecting my mental health much and nothing has really changed since I “came out” as a survivor on Facebook — which is a good thing. I wanted to just acknowledge it and move on. Continue reading “That’s Just My Life”
Life is stressful at the moment. I’m in the hardest semester of my program, and nothing is spaced out. Either I have one assignment in a week, or I have three exams and a paper due. There’s no in-between. This last week was one of the tough ones, and I was really feeling the strain despite starting to study for my exams two weeks in advance. My PTSD started making a bit of a comeback after its six month hiatus… and I got sick. Luckily, I made it through all of my exams just fine.
I think the combination of PTSD and my fever led to the… interesting dreams I had. The first fever dream was wonderful. I was in a room full of friendly kittens and had them all to myself.
The second dream, meanwhile, started off as a nightmare and ended with me being triumphant. Continue reading A Cathartic Nightmare
As you probably know, someone started a trend where people post “Me too” if they’ve experienced sexual harassment or assault. It’s not a perfect campaign, but I’m glad it happened anyway.
Why? Because it finally gave me an easy way to out myself as a survivor! Continue reading I Finally “Came Out” as a Sexual Assault Survivor!