My Background and Story

About Me

I’m a female in my 20’s and am from the American Midwest. I’m a heathcare professional, a feminist, a scientist, a musician, a swing dancer, a dreamer, and a million other irrelevant things.
Oh yeah, and I’m a survivor of multiple sexual assaults.
So why am I making this blog? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure yet. I already have a journal. Maybe this’ll be a good way to organize my thoughts in one spot. Or better yet, maybe it can help you recover, help you help someone who is recovering, or allow you to better understand what life is like as a survivor.
Here goes nothing.

My Story (TLDR version at the bottom)
Trigger warning: descriptions of sexual assault.

Turning eighteen felt pretty good, as it does for most people. For me, it meant celebrating my biggest accomplishment to date: learning to cope with the severe anxiety brought on by my parents’ divorce which began the previous year. It meant starting a new life with my mom after watching her being verbally abused ever since I can remember. It was a time of growth for both of us.
It was also a time of fear. I was afraid my severe anxiety would come back. I was afraid that I would repeat my parents’ mistakes by either becoming my father or marrying someone like him. Mostly it was a time of determination, because I was doing everything in my power to make sure those fears wouldn’t become a reality even though the odds were against me in both respects. Because of my parents, I learned that respect is the most important thing in a relationship. I knew that because of what I saw my parents go through, I would demand respect in every relationship and show them the door if that didn’t happen.
Well… that didn’t quite go the way I planned. Continue reading My Background and Story

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10 Most Popular Posts

  1. Sexual Assault vs. Sexual Violence
  2. #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou
  3. Post Traumatic Growth
  4. Intrusive Thoughts and the Menstrual Cycle
  5. People are Not Born Rapists. They are Bred.
  6. Quotes from the Men Who Sexually Assaulted Me
  7. I Was Sexually Assaulted While Swing Dancing
  8. I’ve Been Sexually Assaulted More Times Than I Can Count… And What that Says About Rape Culture
  9. Afraid of the Dark
  10. Yes, I’m Well Aware it Could’ve Been Worse

Last updated: 3/22/18

A Man Tried to Follow Me When I Was Biking

Trigger warning: sexual harassment

Lately I’ve been going on short bike rides a few times per week in a huge park that I love to refer to as my “urban oasis.” Early last Saturday morning, I was doing my usual route alone in the woods. I was enjoying the fact that I was building stamina and could see my muscles start to get more defined. Plus, it’s so relaxing to be immersed in nature and see lots of cute dogs.  Continue reading A Man Tried to Follow Me When I Was Biking

One Month on Prozac

Long story short: I freaking love Prozac and I wish I’d given it a try ten years ago. Continue reading One Month on Prozac

Generalized Anxiety Diagnosis

My doctor diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder a week ago. At first it was a surprise. I didn’t think of myself as an anxious person overall if you take PTSD-symptoms out of the equation. However, now that I’d had time to think about it, I do agree wholeheartedly with her diagnosis. Looking through that lens, a lot of my past makes more sense now.  Continue reading Generalized Anxiety Diagnosis

I’m on Drugs!!! (The good kind, I Swear)

Recently I’ve been thinking about taking medication for subthreshold PTSD, suspected insomnia and vocal cord dysfunction. It turns out that an antidepressant may be able to help with all three of these conditions!

Well, today was the day I got to see my doctor.

Continue reading I’m on Drugs!!! (The good kind, I Swear)

Being Honest with Myself

On this blog I’ve often talked about the fact that I strive to stay positive because it makes life so much easier. But there’s one drawback: I don’t think I’ve been entirely honest with myself. Continue reading Being Honest with Myself

So I’m Finally Considering Antidepressants…

For almost all of my life I’ve had three main medical issues: vocal cord dysfunction (VCD), insomnia and PTSD-like symptoms. Continue reading So I’m Finally Considering Antidepressants…